What Are Friends Made Of?

Friends are hard to come by nowadays. I mean, at any time, it can be hard to make a friend but with all the social networking, it can be harder to tell who is really a friend and who isn't. Because of this, you can get to know people on a surface level and think you know them well without ever getting to anything deeper than the current clothes trends or popular music. This is not to say that you can't make real friends over the internet or anything like that. I am merely pointing out a tendency in these types of relationships. And these tendencies can spill over into real human relationships. You can hang out, talk, go on trips, and still know nothing about the real person. It's a complicated maze of give-and-take, revealed and not revealed.

I have a habit of becoming consumed by stories at times, especially those of a chronic nature such as a book series or tv show. Partly, it is because of my natural, and sometimes irrational, love for stories. However, I have been thinking lately that there is more to it than that. I can sit in front of a computer for hours on end without ever thinking of talking to someone or trying to hang out actual people. It's almost as if the real world doesn't matter anymore, that I am a part of the world of the story. I become so attached to the characters in the stories that I can feel with them. My heart breaks at their losses, soars with their triumphs. I know the inner workings of their minds and hearts, how they process and where they stand. They are my friends . . . as long as the pages or pixels last. When the stories end, there's a hole, an emptiness inside me where my heart for the characters has been. So I'll go and find another story that will take it's place, with a set of new characters to befriend.

This becomes a problem when I leave the realm of story and enter that of reality. People won't just tell you all about themselves right off the bat, like you can get from characters in a story. Real people expect you to give of yourself as well before they reveal things about themselves. You no longer have an easy access into people's minds and hearts. You have to work at it. You have to build trust. You have to build a relationship. They don't magically appear. They take blood, sweat, and tears. They take effort and strain. It's a process . . . that never really ends. Like a house, it takes constant vigilance to see that nothing corrupts or begins to decay. You have to be careful about things like that with people.

There is also then the place where people trust you and open up to you and you do the same, just a bit. You have the ability to make people feel at ease with you and trust that you will hold their hearts tenderly, which you will. However, your heart is never really given away at all. You will show parts that look like more than what they are so that the other people think they're seeing the deeper parts of you while you still conceal from them the iceberg of your heart. People will say that you're one of their closest or best friends. On the outside, you smile and laugh and share but inside . . . inside, everything is in chaos. How do you say that you haven't shared anything? That you've been playing a part for possibly years? Do you ever actually tell them that? Do you simply go away and let yourself drift from their life, knowing that what they think is you is not you at all? These and so many more similar thoughts swirl around your head, even as you spend time with those who call you friend.

What are friends made of then? How do you know when someone is a friend and when they're not? When I am a friend? I don't know. Sorry for the ramble.

Kansas City, MO - Day 11

I'm HOME! It feels so good. I've missed it.

But we left the hotel, all packed and ready, at 9:00 am with suitcases in one van and all the rest of us in the cars and vans we'd rented. When we got to the airport, we checked in and found out that our plane was delayed an hour so we got to wander the airport for about two hours. I wandered with Nick, Alex, Annie, and Eden and we had fun. At 11:45 we went through security and had to wait another hour before we actually boarded. Since we didn't check in till that morning, we had mid-B to C tickets so I ended up sitting between two strangers. Before take-off, I talked some with the man on my right. I found out that he was from Daytona, Florida and was flying out to LA for something. He has two kids, 12 and 15, who have wanted to go to Disneyland for a while and he may be taking them this summer. He himself has only been to Disneyland once and that 20 years ago, when Splash Mountain first opened. We also talked a little about the airline, Southwest, and their seating arrangements. Then I fell asleep for an hour and a half. When I woke up, I journaled about what was prayed over me and read a little of Beowulf. After that, I did devotions. The reading was in Hebrews and three verses seem to stick out to me and they all ended up connecting and from them, I have a feeling that I may be going to Virginia in the fall with Ignite. But I'll still need to pray about it. Then we landed and took a bus back to school. There was so much excitement as we neared the school. When we pulled into the parking lot, we could see Devan, Steven Beck, Steven Brunelle, and Megan all waiting for us and jumping up and down. We could hardly contain ourselves in the bus. Hugs exploded when we got off the bus. We were all so happy to be back and to see people we hadn't seen in ten days, though you'd think we hadn't seen them in years by our exuberance. All the rest of the day, we were bombarded with people who were happy to see us back. My heart was so happy to see my friends again and I had the silliest grin plastered across my face. Then all Ignite had dinner of pizza and soda together which was a lot fun.

I'd have to say that, overall, the trip to Kansas City was a success and so very valuable for me. I do not regret my decision at all to come to Ignite. But, for all the incredible experiences I had there, there is no place like home. I love you all. I'll be home home in close to 24 hours. Hold on a little longer.

Kansas City, MO - Day 10

Last full day in Kansas City. It has definitely been an eventful 10 days.

Today, I missed breakfast and went to devotions, afterwhich I hung out with Alyssa, looking at a wedding magazine. Then I braided Michelle's hair and we went to church at the River Christian Fellowship. Before the sermon started, John Wiley showed the congregation this video about God's love. (www.youtube.com/watch?v=WybvhRu9KU) It's the music video for a song called "God is Not a White Man" and basically talks about how God loves everyone and His love cannot be limited. Then the sermon proceeded to talk about the importance of Christians to love and how it is by our love that the world will recognize us. After the service, we went to the local mall and ate in the food court. Then I wandered around with Eden, Aaron, and Greg and was later joined by Alyssa and Karissa. After a while, we met up and I left with Kalli, Mary, Cynthia, and Alex to go to Walmart. Then we came back to the hotel and just lounged around till it was time to leave for the NextGen service. Once there, we had worship and Cherise spoke about what she'd learned while in Ignite and then Eden, Katy, Kristen, and Rebecca shared a little of their experiences. After the service a lot of us got prayed for by a woman named Ivy Anderson who is a member of the congregation. She, her husband, and a friend prayed prophetically over several of us. If you'd like to hear what she said over me, leave a comment and I'll share. ;) (I know, shameless plug for comments) It was kinda late when we were done so we went to Olive Garden for dinner and I sat with Eden, Nick, and Alex. We all had a great time. Then we came back and it was time for bed, as well getting ready to leave the next morning at 9:00 am.

Kansas City, MO - Day 9

Now for our free day in Kansas City.

This day was all very slow. I didn't get up till 9:00 am and we met for brunch at 11:00. We went to the Cracker Barrel and the food there is great. It's almost all homemade food and a lot of more southern style dishes. After we finished eating, we all got to shop in the little gift shop adjacent to the restaurant. That was also a lot of fun 'cause they had a lot of old-style candies and different kinds of toys and clothing. They even had the entire first season of Hogan's Heroes. Needless to say, I was impressed. Then as we were leaving there were a few snowflakes falling. I got so exciting, being from southern California the land of no snow. Afterwards, we came back to the hotel and we just hung around for a while. Then we got together to go over things that we could do. They told us that we could either go to the Internation House of Prayer or a local art museum. Afterwards, when everyone had gotten back from those places, we could either go to the mall or stay at the hotel. At first, I was gonna go to IHOP but then I decided that it would be better for me to stay at the hotel because I wanted to have some time with God. So I went up to my room and started looking for my journal. I turned on the tv 'cause I couldn't find my journal for a while and watched "Indiana Jones and Raiders of the Lost Ark." During that time, I found my journal and finished writing about the events of the night before we left for Kansas City. Then I turned off the tv and talked with God for a short bit until my friend Keith Jackson called and we had a great talk. We had to end our conversation when he needed to leave to get ready for work and I needed to head down for dinner. Since the roads were too windy and icy, we stayed in the hotel for dinner. After dinner, Eden and I talked for a while and then had a skype call with Steven Beck, Megan, and Devan. It was so much fun talking with them and made me miss them all the more. Then I had to leave because of curfew and thus went to bed.

Kansas City, MO - Day 8

Finally, caught up to today. I apologize for not staying on top of my journal entries. I know some of you have been wondering how I've been as I haven't been updating as I should.

Well today, I was a part of group that went to a prison in the capitol of Missouri, Jefferson City. The rest of the team consisted of James, Nick, Alex, Josh, Michelle, Karissa, Renee, Maria, Krista, and Andy Holtberg. The group of inmates we were going to minister to were men who are to be released in the next year or so and volunteer to go into an 18-month faith-based program where they're taught about Christianity and discipled . . . seemed a lot like Ignite, which Andy pointed out as a moot point with the inmates. We met at 6:45 am and drove for two hours, with two stops at Starbucks and the gas station. We finally arrived at the prison at 9:30. However, a problem arose when I realized that I needed photo ID to get into the prison and had left said ID in my hotel room. But we walked up to the gate and asked if I'd be allowed in without my ID and they said no. So Krista and Alex walked me back to the van and then went back to join the rest of the group. I admit I was very upset that I didn't get to go along. I cried for a few minutes, just letting myself vent. Then I started asking why I was crying and I realized that I didn't really know. It could have been self-pity, self-condemnation, or something else. But I told myself to stop wallowing in how sad my situation was and actually start to think about others. So I began to pray, first for the men who would be ministered to and then for each my fellow team members individually. I spoke my prayer aloud because there was nobody around to bother and there is a certain power and finality that comes when things are spoken out loud. Once I finished praying for the last person I fell immediately to sleep. It's almost as if my part was done so I put to sleep so that time wouldn't seem to drag on for me while I waited. I woke up shortly before everyone arrived. They were all so happy to see me and asked if I had been ok. They were all so kind and considerate of me and I really appreciated it. Then I got to hear about how things went inside the prison. Apparently, there were a lot of safety measures taken and then they were led into a room that acted like a chapel with a guitar and microphones. So they worshipped with three songs and Michelle and James spoke. Since there was still time left, Renee, Karissa, Alex, and Krista spoke as well. In the last 10 minutes, they broke into groups of five and told each other their dreams and passions and then prayed. But I was especially encouraged when Maria told me that they could tell that I was praying for them. I haven't learned yet what exactly that means but it really touched me that what I was doing alone in the van actually made a difference for the team. Then we went to a local restaurant called the Prison Brewery and had an excellent lunch. After that, we saw the capitol building (very impressive looking) and then drove back to the hotel. The rides in the car were so much fun and were a great time just being with people I hadn't normally hung out with. Once we got back to the hotel, I talked with Eden since we hadn't reallys seen each other for two days. It may seem silly but once you've lived with someone and gotten used to seeing them on a daily basis for almost four months, it's very strange not to see them for two days. But anyways, we went to Panera Bread again for dinner and returned to the hotel where I now sit typing this update.

I hope this finds you all well and safe and I can't wait to see you all again soon.

Kansas City, MO - Day 7

Day number 7 in the Kansas City countdown. Over half-way done with the trip.

This day began very early . . . 6:00 am. Yep, that's right. I got up at 6:00 so I could have breakfast before we had to leave at 6:45. This time we went to Hope Faith Ministries (http://www.hopefaithministries.org/), an organization that feeds and clothes the homeless of Kansas City. They have only been around for about three years but have grown tremendously and existed by total faith of their director Desiree. We were led by Andy Holtberg, one of the members of staff (and coincidentally a former pastor from my church). He guided through the building they had just bought that would serve as their new facility providing not only food and clothing but also other resources to help the homeless find jobs and provide for basic health needs. It was a truly impressive vision that they had. Then we were split into two groups, one of which that would go to their old facility and one that would stay at the new one. I was a part of the group that went to the old facility. Once there, we were met by Drey, one of the staff members, who split us into groups to help pass out food or sort clothing. Michelle, Aaron, and I were taken to work in the kitchen helping Leeland with distributing food. In the kitchen, we put an assortment of breakfast food on a plate and handed it to those who had given us a ticket proving that they had been allowed to eat. We had so much fun back there and were very sorry when we were taken downstairs to help with clothes. It ended up being a time for the group of us just to hang out and socialize with a little bit of work of making emergency clothing bags for some of the homeless eating up above us. Then we came out to eat lunch with the other half of the group from the new facility, where they had been sorting clothes for the new wardrobe sections of the building, and sat with the homeless who were eating lunch as well. I didn't end up talking much with the people around me but it was amazing at just how many people had been served by this one small kitchen. After lunch, we all gathered outside and Sean asked some of us to stay help with the rest of the lunch hour. I ended up a part of that group and got to go back to the kitchen to work with Michelle and Leeland. We had a great time just talking with the other volunteers there and serving the homeless who came by. Once the facility closed after lunch, we came back to the hotel where we chilled until dinner time. For dinner, we went to a barbeque restaurant called Jack Stack. I ended up talking mostly with Eden, Zach, and Katie Sottile. It was a ton of fun. I ordered a chicken kabob and at one point took a bite and pulled a whole chunk of chicken off . . . with the majority of it hanging out of my mouth. It was really funny. Then we all came back where we did devotions with our roommates and then went to sleep.

Kansas City, MO - Day 6

Here's the update for my day. Hope you enjoy it.

Today, like the the two days before, began with devotions, breakfast, and the drive to the River of Refuge. The first part of my day was spent tearing out more sheetrock from one of the smaller rooms. I got to kick down one of the walls. That made me feel so accomplished. But anyways, the rest of the day I undid screws from the various beams that formed the rooms. It was very tedious work but important and valuable. I've discovered that if I don't have people near me, I can work absolutely silently, no singing. That was quite the revelation to myself. An exciting note is that I stepped on a screw and had to take it out with a screwdriver. Towards the end of the day, we had everyone pitch in sweeping, picking up pieces of sheet rock, shoveling debris into trashcans to be dumped in the dumpster. Then a group of us were taken outside to pick up the trash that hadn't quite made it into the dumpster. At first, we had to wait because there were people still dumping trash. At one point, one of the trashcans was pitched into the dumpster so Josh, Renee, Nick, and I climbed into the dumpster to get it out. Since then, Nick has sometimes called me Mulan because I had scale the side of the dumpster since it was so much taller than me. Then we picked up the bigger pieces of trash and tried to rake the smaller ones onto shovels to be thrown in. But after finishing work for the day (and consequently for the rest of the trip) at the River of Refuge, I have a new-found respect for construction workers. They have to put with so much that was wearing us out after three days. Many people were complaining of coughs and itchiness from fiberglass. It was crazy amounts of work and we were all glad for it to be done. We then came back to the hotel and lounged about. But a surprise waited for us at the hotel: Mike Larkin had arrived from California with Josh and Summer Smith, a couple from North Carolina who are interested in helping with Ignite once it moves to Virginia next year. Then we went out to eat at Red Robin where I ended up sitting at a two-person table with Eden. We had a great time just talking and laughing. Then we came back to the hotel where we all went to bed early because we had a very early day the next morning.